Test Anxiety

It's been a few days since I started the process to get on PrEP (T-30 days, hopefully!) If you're familiar with PrEP or read yesterday's post, you know that part of the process is getting tested for HIV. I'm a Case Manager at an AIDS Service Organization and I'm mostly good about my HIV/STI risk reduction (I use condoms most of the time, try to talk to every partner about safety, and know what I can do in bed that's more safe or less). Still, there's always risk, and so every time that I get tested I get a little nervous.

It's not nearly as bad as the very first time I got tested. Then, I was in my early twenties, and at the time living in a tiny little town in a tiny little rural part of New Hampshire (having dropped out of college for a bit). Everybody knew just about everybody back home, and I was absolutely terrified. Worse, there were no rapid tests then, and results had to be given in person, so I knew I was going to have to wait a while to get my results. In fact, it took a lot longer to get them than I expected - because of some sort of processing error, my result came in but I wasn't called until about a month later (when I called in myself, at that point basically frantic).

Getting tested since then has been a lot easier (not much can beat how rough that was); this is good, because really any sexually active person should be getting tested at least every six months. On PrEP, I'll be expected to be tested every three months, which seems very frequent, but has the benefit of forcing me to be especially aware of my status (and not just HIV status, either!)

I feel pretty good about what my results will be, but an important part of my own sexual health is to recognize when I am engaging in risky behaviors (though I haven't always been good about this by any stretch of the imagination), and to know the risk. For me that also means accepting that I may someday get a positive result (although of course, I'm going on this journey to PrEP to make that less likely). Of course I don't want a positive result, but I would much rather know than not, and frankly I owe it to my prospective partners to be as informed as possible.

So I'm a little nervous, but I'll deal with it. It's an important part of the process - not to mention being a sexually active adult!

Check out the video and website below for a quick discussion about HIV testing anxiety. It really is better to #knowyourstatus.

(From http://www.avert.org/hiv-transmission-prevention/worried-about-hiv)